– Absolutely. Let me check MasterClass.
“I just have smudges for eyes.”
– Her speech gets silly when her mascara gets messy.
“You want a swirly swirl?”
– Is this an offer of…
A) Soft serve ice cream
B) A head rub?
C) Sex?
D) A teaspoon?
Vote in the comments.
“Do you ever notice that you have trouble standing up?”
– Hello, Lazy Boy? I’ll take two, stat.”
“He sounds like a tranny monster.”
– Our neighbour makes strange noises when he plays with his kids and they always end up crying. Always.
“I’m so tired of the wind being abusive. I think it needs to get therapy.”
– Maybe he’s just misunderstood.
“This tastes like a fish aquarium that hasn’t been cleaned. In five years.”
– Some craft beers are better than others.
“Let’s sell everything and go live in the nothing.”
– When you get over 250 spam emails a day, disconnecting is the dream.
“It smells like vegetable human soup in here.”
– And it tastes like chicken.
“I’m gonna go put some skin on my face.”
– And you thought morning breath was a problem.
“I’ll show you under the curtain a little bit.”
– Happy Valentines Day to me!