Driving Turkey

I can’t remember why he chose a turkey costume or where he got it. Or how we decided he should drive.

But there we all were, driving home from a Halloween party, completely smashed having worked our way through at least two handles of Jim Beam.

I was in the back with everyone, cracking ourselves up about the turkey’s bad driving when the dreaded law showed up behind us, blue lights reflecting everywhere.

So now a ghost, a circus clown, Captain Hook, President Nixon, and a turkey are all trying to hide empties and act sober while a pig dressed in his blue costume walks up to the car window.

Straight face: “Licence and registration.”

Turkey hands them over, not so straight faced, trying not to exhale.

“Do you know I’ve been following you for fifteen minutes?”

Turkey shakes his feathery head “No.”

“Do you know why I pulled you over?”

More negative turkey shake. A feather flits out the window and lands on the Cop who ignores it.

“Do you know you were driving with your headlights off?”

Turkey: “Officer, do you know, turkeys can see in the dark?”

Fact: You can die trying not to laugh – and the turkey got away with a warning.