LTS | ERAN THOMSON® Official Site • The Joy Pusher™

I took some chicken for a drunken bike ride, by the time we got home, we both were fried.

I was about to be robbed, by guys who were strapped, so I pretended to be, handicapped.

A criminal I dated, needed bail. So I stole from the cops, to get her out of jail.

My manhood was diminished, by a Communist, who despite her beauty, I shouldn’t have kissed.

I sold a waterbed, that had been shot with a gun, to a redneck whose honeymoon, had just begun.

I spent too much time, hanging with José. And nearly did something, that could’ve put me away.

I rode my Vespa, it was always a thrill, but one wrong turn, almost made me roadkill.

I learned the hard way, giving a lift to a drunk. If I do it again, they’ll ride in the trunk.

I could have got shot by a mafia don whose fat wife I spilled a tray of drinks on.

I crashed my car, the route was unplanned, when a loose steering wheel came off in my hand.

Falling off buses and burning my face, just proved to me that Mexico was my place.

I nearly got stabbed on a Subway train, but I escaped with just emotional pain.

I got attacked while chopping trees. Not by beavers, but by hundreds of bees.