A Laugh Threatening Situation
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I’ve nearly died forty-seven times.
I know what you’re thinking.
You’re thinking one of three things:
This guy must be the biggest idiot ever. (Possible).
This guy must be the luckiest idiot ever. (Also possible).
I need to read this idiot’s book. (Definitely).
Back then I scared myself by remembering and recounting seventeen times I’d almost died.
But then friends began to remind me of things. Things that I had long forgotten.
Things they could never forget.
So now the number is up to forty-seven. And it could go higher.
Not because I haven’t learned anything, but because somebody somewhere is probably going to read this and remember something we did together that scarred them emotionally.
On opening night I shared a handful of stories to a packed house and despite some technical issues, the audience laughed at the right moments, and I was inspired to share more.
Hence this book.
In it, you will discover epic tales of survival written to help you avoid a dumb death. You will laugh at my many missteps, mistakes, and occasional madness. You will learn how to navigate your life safely and smartly.
And you will come to appreciate the miraculous close calls and near misses so many of us experience with frightening frequency.
The sooner this is over the safer we’ll all be.
I believe the things we spend time thinking about are the things we attract.
So I suggest you read fast.
That said, my hope is that you might learn one or two things that could maybe save your life someday.
So don’t read too fast.
However fast or slow you read, somewhere along the way you may come to the conclusion that I have a death wish.
You may think I’m risky, naive, or even stupid. And I have been all those things.
Sometimes all three at the same time. Sometimes all three at the same time, and drunk.
But I don’t have a death wish. I have a life wish. I want to see, feel, taste, explore, try, and do everything.
And sometimes I get a little carried away is all.
After more than 43 near-death experiences, you still can’t tell by looking at me.
Sure, I’ve got my share of scars and possible brain damage, but the reality is I’ve got a lot to be thankful for.
And with that in mind, I want to acknowledge the friends, family, spirits, entities, angels, gods, doctors, safety equipment, forces of nature, four-leaf clover, upside-down horseshoes, crossed fingers, rabbit’s feet, and lucky dice that have kept me here this long.
And thank you too, dear reader.
My life is in your hands.